Here take this... It's my macho.

All you really need to know about the 4th of July, you usually learn early on, like: Fireworks are dangerous, noisy and fun as hell. Also, territorial and religious independence tastes better with beer. A few years ago, I learned that the best thing to shoot out of a potato cannon is a t-shirt drenched in gasoline, but this year was an eye opening experience. This 4th O' July I learned that my girlfriend can probably eliminate me by way of assassination. First, let me show a picture of my girl, Sasha:



Doesn't look to harmless does she? We celebrated Independence Day at my family's house, where my brother in-law had an air rifle, with some beer cans set up for targets. We traded shots between the few men trying to hit the can. A few of us did, but I never, in my 6-7 tries landed a shot. Mind you, I'm pretty good at Goldeneye on the N64 and a sharp shooter at my favorite arcade game, House of the Dead, which Sasha also loves to play. I ask her if she wants to shoot a few rounds of the air rifle, and she immediately takes the position, like she realized she was a former government agent on some Bourne Identity type business. Sasha clicks the safety, takes aim... and BANG! Nails, the can on her first try! After a few other shots I decide to make things a bit more explosive, so I fill up a plastic cup with water. Again I take a few shots to no avail, my brother manages to hit it dead on and then we set up another cup o' water for Lee Harvey in a skirt. This time she nails the cup on different shots. If they were proportioned to a human body, it would have been direct hits on the skull and the heart. Even though I gave her the pat on the back, I kinda cried a little bit. just on the inside though, I ain't no pussy. Just a lousy shot. It was a moment of a new, but surreal understanding because this is the same girl, who can take 30 minutes to pick out a bag of candy, then forget it in the store, but could probably shoot me from a long distance with Jack Bauer precision.

So I guess I've learned something new on the birthday of America. If push comes to shove, my ass is getting shot. If you see this person...



Do not run. Take your execution like a man. I know I will... Maybe. Probably not though.